Voices of the Passion and Easter - Judas

I have imagined the reactions and thought processes of those people involved in the Good Friday and Easter narrative.

I hope that it will assist you to meditate on these events with fresh thoughts.

I always felt like an outsider. All the things that I was, the others in the inner group of twelve were not.

They were northerners with strange ways of talking and funny habits. I had refinement in the way that I talked and in the way that I acted. I am sure that when Jesus talked in parables, similes and metaphors that I was the only one in the group that understood His meaning.

I happened to travel to Galilee - I can’t remember why – when I came across this promising self-appointed Rabbi. There was something about Him that just drew me in. There was such honesty and clarity in His teaching, which entered one’s soul even when it could be uncomfortable.

It felt like the start of something new and exciting, so I decided to join His followers, which was costly as I had family business to deal with first. I don’t know what I was expecting, perhaps it was an uprising against the Romans who had been taxing our family to the ground or a fresh religious fervour. Anyway, I wanted to be there at the start so that I could say to people in the future that I was there. I was surprised that Jesus wanted to include me in His inner group. I saw incredible events, especially when Jesus sent out in pairs, as people were healed and were dispossessed of demons.

As time went on, I became disillusioned as neither the revolt against the Romans or the religious revival seemed as though they would take place. I decided that, as the months moved on, I would start taking care of myself and, in my role as the treasurer, I would start surreptitiously remove some of the money from the account so I would get something out of the situation – a fact that seemed to only be grasped by Jesus.

In my disillusionment, I approached the religious authorities to see how much I could be paid to betray Jesus. When they offered thirty pieces of silver, I took it without hesitation.

Later that evening, when we were all having supper, Jesus knew evidently what I had done for He stated that one of us had betrayed Him. I retracted from the room as quickly as possible to extricate myself from the extremely embarrassing atmosphere.

When He and the other disciples were in the Garden of Gethsemane, I went with the Jewish guard and indicated to them that Jesus was their target by placing a kiss – that sign of friendship so cruelly abused - on Jesus’ cheek.

I was beside myself with remorse – it was though someone else had done the deed. There is no way out and I know what I must do, condemned by God and man. I am the only disciple not to make it to the end.